her invisible thoughts.

And here I am Once again chocking back on unsaid words and invisible thoughts…

I feel like I’m suffocating under the burden I keep burying my self in , deeper and deeper I keep going I try to stop and catch up with the world but it doesn’t seem to wait for me

I keep telling my self I’ll be fine just to smile and act like nothings wrong and that works fine for a few days up until my worries catch up with me again.

I can feel the walls slowly caving in around me while I helplessly cry for help but as always no one seems to be able to hear me

Why am I like this? Why do I try so hard to act like nothing bothers me or nothings wrong I guess being happy takes more than trying..

I want to take it back to the days where I matted , where you tried to make me smile and I was your reason for joy and happiness

I can’t even look you in the eye without wanting to break down and scream at the top of my lungs crying out for you to notice me and take it all back!

Loving you wasn’t meant to be this hard so why did it tuen out like this? I’ll keep trying but there’s only so much I’ll do before I turn and walk away…

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And now I’m stuck here just being reminded of every moment every laugh every tear and it’s all because of you

I won’t lie yeah I miss you and the way you used to smile in my presence but fuck the moments I’m not going to beg you to come back

No more tears or pleas because I’m done trying to get you back no regrets just lessons learnt so I thankyou for making me the person I am

But let’s be honest you’ll never find another me, you won’t find someone that’s going to be there for you nope no one to pick you back up after every fall haha yeah watch me burn the memories away cause after tonight you’ll be nothing but useless ashes

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My hearts oh so tired of breaking now I don’t wantyou here anymore so I’ll just bury you in my dreams and you won’t exist to me after tonight..

I don’t want to hear any of your excuses or telling me how sorry you are becUse you didn’t even give us a fucking chance

So just walk away don’t look back yeah I’ll be fine these tears will soon dry up - then again it shouldnt take my tears to remind you of the past

Now my sorry heart is filled with so many regrets and mistakes but don’t worry

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I just need a sign of hope and I’ll keep waiting I promise you I’ll do whatever it’ll take to have you here with me just us two hand in hand not a care in the world…

But I can’t keep hopelessly holding one if you don’t show any signs of effort ..

You already know how I feel and even after you shut me out and left me hanging onto false hopes I stuck around so now tell me what are we going to do?

Is it selfish of me to just want to know what’s going on inside our head..

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Words can’t begin to explain the feeling that I have inside my chest as of this moment.
In the spare of a moment I opened up to him thinking that maybe he could be the one
I let him know that his the one I want to spend my happiest moments with and in the darkest of days let him be my light
And it hurt because I showed him a side that no ones ever seen before he saw me at my worst and stayed by my side
Ive always been so strong but he managed to break me down with just one look , it’s the fact that he doesn’t take me or my feelings seriously
I’ve always been one stop away from love and by the looks of it I won’t be getting of at my desired destination anytime soon
What does it even mean that his a bad guy for me you either have feelings for me or not
Ideally that wasn’t the way I wished to express my emotions so I can understand the confusion you may have but just close your eyes and picture us together happy and smiling…
We can make it work but only if you want only if you give me a sign and stop shutting me out.

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For fucks sake seriously why when IM happy everyone likes to rain on my parade and bring me down

I’m starting to think that someone out there has wished all this pain and sadness upon me, Its like the more I try to smile it off and ignore it the harder they come at me.

it just doesn’t make any sense at all when you where the one who chose to let me go and become the reason behind all these tears that I foolishly cried over you and you were the reason for all those sleepless nights

there is no justification for the actions that you made, you knew how i felt yet you didnt want to give me your time of day so you walked away - so typical you let your ego get in the way of something that could of been amazing.

And now im just Fucking curious as to why after all this time that we spent apart acting like complete strangers, we never spoke you even chose to ignore my many attempts of friendship and you used to walk the other way whenever you saw me

Please explain to me why now all of a sudden you wanna come back into my life and pretend it’s all sweet like sure no biggie i just took this girls heart broke it and tore it to pieces , ignored her and made her feel like a fucking idiot but ill just tell her that I miss her and the times we shared in an attempt to fix shit and then go on to share that your new girl is doing your head in for what reason do you think I care about that.

In all honesty what do you want me to do or say? I can’t erase the pain you caused me to feel, I cant erase the tears that were shed as much as i want to erase the past i cant so tell me why should I care when you never did?

Don’t you even dare try to take advantage of my previous feelings and play me like a yoyo because for all I care you don’t deserve my time nor deserve any emotion from me regardless if it’s anger,pain, joy you won’t get anything

cause once upon a time yeah i was foolish enough to want to be your everything now I wanna be nothing to you im not that girl who used to be head over heels in love with you nor am I that girl who gave up everything to see you smile fuck you is all I have to say because IM not about to let you back in my life and casually bring me down again.

And I’m still waiting for that apology for the months I spent crying my self to sleep, not wanting do anything, and finally it’s because of you that I have no trust left in guys it’s becUse of you that I spent all this time fighting with my heart to let you go but I just couldn’t do it and now I finally have the strength to say goodbye don’t make this any harder for me by pretending to care and want to be around just leave me alone do what you do best and walk away before this gets anymore painful

I won’t lie I truly did “love” you as cliche as it sounds but I’ll have you know I’m sorry for thinking that we could of been and I’m sorry for having expections and I’m sorry for loving you because now it seems all so clear to me that we wernt meant to be and I’m sorry for trying so hard to make this work I should of just let go when I had the chance to and I’m sorry for getting caught up in false hopes and believing your lies -

you taught me that no matter how much it hurts in order to become stronger we must let go and move on and to be grateful for the time shared and to just smile.

So please let me just carry on living my life without you even if in the past you were my life - now your nothing but a piece to my past and that’s what you’ll always remain as…

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So Let’s just take it all back to when we were strangers,Not aware of each others existence, before we fell in love, before you become my world, back to when my heart was in one piece , now there’s a blank space in it’s place.

When I see us in my dreams were all smiles and laughs… Then I wake up and your the only reason for these tears falling down, with every day that passes the little pond is turning into an ocean

One day I’ll look back onto all of this and laugh because I’ll realize you went worth any of this, and especially not those sleepless nights I stayed up wishing and hoping.

Does it make me a liar like you for attempting to act like I don’t care or when I consistently fail at trying to block out the pain that leaves a heavy burden on my chest

Its doesn’t hurt because you just walked out with a blink of An eye or even the fact that you took my heart and never gave it back it hurts because you dont realize that you did all of this!

You think it’s okay because I foolishly still give you the time of day to ask how you are but I hope when you close your eyes at night you think about what you just lost all because of your fucking pride why didn’t you just admit your emotions ? I wasn’t asking for anything At all I just wanted to be the reason for your smiles and laughter

I still find my self questioning your actions as to why you just threw it all away and closed the door when you knew just how much I cared and wanted this to work.. It seemed so easy for you to erase the memories while I poured my heart out to an empty screen but the questions never faded there all still here… I just wish I knew why we burnt out so quickly like a cigarette

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Ive got so much to say but the words just don’t come out, I struggle to justify myself and the situation I find my self in.

Somedays I feel like yelling out at the top of my lungs but I know no one will hear the silent pleas of help i desperately seek , it’s asiff the more I try to escape this feeling the deeper I find myself stuck and can’t exit.

And the hardest thing is knowing how much I loved you yet your the reason for this endless pain and the reason all my tears are dried out

Now that I think about it all those times I tried to get us back on track I should of left the pieces on the ground as I can now see that those efforts were pointless

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